Walking the Blog

This is going to be a long post, so I could re-title it,

Be Careful What You Wish For

, because a certain resident of St. Hedwig, TX reponded to an e-mail I sent him with a beef: I have been neglecting the Jackalope blog. He also wanted to know my excuse. Was I too busy walking Poncho to find time to write? Well, read on. Was I too depressed from the Bush re-election to post? Partly. But mostly I'm overhwelmed by what happened on November 2, 2004. My thoughts are too scattered and conclusions/opinions are either not my own or too unfounded to be blogworthy.

So, I will stick to simpler topics I can juggle between the 8 synapses my brain averages an hour: like walking the dog. So Jake, this post is for you.

Today Poncho and I walked to our local nursery because I had to buy some fertilizer for the lawn and get it ready for the cold-ass Minnesota winter. As I was walking him I thought how each walk we take is always unique and each has a highlight.

This is in contrast to when we go running. All runs are the same. I run the same route and we are going too fast for things besides running to materialize or for Poncho and I to observe things.

But when we walk something noteworthy always happen. Here are two examples:

1. Today I heard some music blasting from a house three to four houses away from it. Quick, predict the genre.

Heavy Metal? Rap/Hip Hop? R&B? Those would have been my guesses.

But it was actually Steely Dan turned all the way to 11. Rrrrright. You don't hear that every day.

2. I call story #2 Old Mike Winter.

I was walking Poncho towards a house that we regularly pass and the yard is regularly littered with kids' bikes and kids' toys, in the presence or absence of the kids. But a few weeks ago these kids did happen to be out playing in the front yard. As per usual there was about six of them. As Poncho contemplated which tree to piss on, I contemplated whether or not I should cross the street so I could stay out of their hair and Poncho could walk in peace.

And then all of a sudden I hear one of the kids scream, with great urgency, "There he is. Code red! Code red! He's coming! Assume your positions!!!!" And before I could finish watching Poncho and his three-second token pee on a tree, all the kids were suddenly nowhere to be seen and it was very quiet.

So that was weird and I suspected that for some reason they were hiding from me. And that is even weirder, as I look like pretty much like all the other white 30-somethings that owns a dog and lives in the Longfellow neighborhood (believe me, there are a lot of us). If those kids ran from every guy that looks me, they'd be the most fit band of five year-olds ever. But I didn't think much of what they were up to, until I was well past the house they play at and was, in fact, leaving their block. Suddenly a kid circles around me on his bike and heads back to the house yelling, "Code green! He's left. At ease!"

As a kid I used to this same thing. I'd act like I was a spy investigating random adults who I pretneded were criminals, sometimes even taking notes. Or I would make up other stories about them. There was a guy who jogged by our house at the same time every night and I'd act like he was the President of the US out for his nightly jog and it was my job to secure the corner that made up our front yard. The pathetic part about all this is, rather than act this out with five other kids, I played "Secret Service" all by myself.

Anyway, it was a pretty funny walk that night with Poncho, but it also made me feel like an adult, completely severed from the world of children. This is no small task as I am in kid mode 40 hours a week. Sometimes I have a hard time compartimentalizing who I am as an adult and my identity as a child. But belive me, that night it was very cut and dry who I was. I was just some generic grown-up with a generic dog and I served as a pawn in some game a bunch of kids were playing. I don't feel old too often but I did that night.

What's Worse Than Shaving Your Eyeball?

I would imagine shaving both your eyeballs.

Which brings me to my next question:

Is there a crappier song than I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt?

And the answer is YES. The extended club mix of I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt sucks more ass and it sucks that ass for a lot longer, as it is stretched into a five minute song.

All of the CDs we want to get rid of are up in the office and the good stuff is downstairs. It turns out MTV Party To Go from 1993 qualifies as a CD we want to get rid of. Actually now that I think of it, I need to return the CD to its rightful owner.

Anyway I'm too lazy to go downstairs and pick out a new CD, so now I'm enjoying the likes of House of Pain, Positive K, Sir Mix-A-Lot, and you got it, Right Said Fred's extended dance re-mix version of I'm Too Sexy. Hope those guys all invested their income from 1991 to 1993 wisely.

Making a Liar Out of Myself

I claimed a few months ago that I was making my only epidemiological post ever, as I would leave the chatter about public and personal health to Emily.

Well, to paraphrase our President, fool you once shame on me, fool you twice, um shame, um.... let's see, uh well, I guess, uhhhhh, don't get fooled again.

So on with the Epidemiology. Emily has told me in the past about studies that have shown kids will purchase healthy drinks out of a vending machine when they are cheaper (or maybe even the same price--I can't remember) than soda pop. The point being if you give kids options they may surprise adults with their nutrition choices.

Those of you who shop at Whole Foods or your local co-op are probably familiar with the ubiquitous Stonyfield Farms line of yogurt and other organic dairy products. They now have yogurt vending machines in select schools throughout the country and are looking to expand.

I would like to think that I would have bought some yogurt back in high school, if I had the choice, instead of a Coke. When I had twenty minutes to burn between the end of the school day and track or cross country practice, or when I would stay late working on the school paper, I usually spent that time with a Coke from the school's vending machine. I didn't necesarrily crave that Coke, it's just that it was there to buy and nothing else was.

I hope the kids that have these healthier choices take advantage of them. Nothing like using the market forces to drive a student health intiative.

Click here for a nice story about the Stonyfield Farms project, or here for a general story about machines that offer healthy choices.

A Ringing Endorsement

Billboard Magazine now has a new chart: Top 10 Ring Tones people download for their cell phones.

I guess now you haven't hit the big time until your song has made it to someone's cell phone. Well then it looks like ol' boy Georgie Handel has finally made it big time, as I just got a new cell phone and Water Music is the best of the options I have for a ring tone. But that will all change once I download the new Lil' Flip song for my ring tone.

Click here to see Billboard's chart.

Crow: It's What's For Dinner

I have eaten crow tonight, and it tastes like chicken.

My Thanksgiving feast of crow was eaten in honor of Megan, a classmate of Emily. I spent quite a bit of time on her blog last spring saying how she was crazy to think the Red Sox (or any team for that matter) could contend with the Yankees after the Yanks got Alex Rodriguez from the Rangers.

Well, it turns out I was wrong. I don't know what's more unbelievable: that I'm admitting just how wrong I was or that Boston came back and won this series.

In my defense, I did say the X factor would be injuries, and that the Red Sox could get past the Yanks if they stayed healthier than the Yanks.

Well that didn't happen, both teams had major players with major injuries or mystery steroid related illnesses. But the Red Sox, in part, were the better team because they overcame their injuries. One name: Curt Schilling. And in the Yankee dugout, Jason Giambi's absence suddenly became very noticable in games 5, 6, and 7. Steroids or no steroids, this was a guy who could get on base better (in terms of walks and singles) than any other power hitter in the Yankee line-up. The outcome may had been different if Giambi played. But as I have said before, part of being a good athlete is being a healthy athlete. The Red Sox won this thing fair and square and it is pretty awesome.

I still think the Cy Young should go to Johan Santana, but the Sportsman of the Year for all sports should go to Schilling. If his performance in game 6 (bloody sock and sutchered tendons included) were actually in a Disney movie, we'd all be rolling our eyes at the melodrama and lack of realism in the movie. But there was no Hollywood bullshit to the way he pitched last night. Amazing.

And I thought Josh Beckett and the Florida Marlins made for a magical post-season last year. What we have seen (in both the NL and AL) so far has been memorable to sayt the least. And we haven't even made it to the World Series. You can't make it up.

Growing up I had three favorite teams: the Astros (especially when Nolan Ryan was on the team), the Cardinals, and the Red Sox. I'm shitting you negative. While all three teams still have a special place in my heart, I can't say I am really all that fired up that all of my former teams are still in the hunt. I've become that big of a Twins fan; I just can't throw my allegience over to another team. That being said, I think I'd like to see the Red Sox win it all. Hell, is there anyone outside of the Bronx who doesn't?

Do You Want Fries With Your Cheerios?

Ten years ago I was mocking the idea that people would actually spend two dollars for a freaking bottle of water.

Well, the owners of Cereality Cereal Bar and Cafe must be delighted that their business idea is the dumbest idea since bottled water: a restaurant that specializes in cereal. This means they are destined to be millionaires for sure. And in the interest of full discosure, while I have purchased less than 10 bottles of water in my life (mostly only when I had no other choice), I wouldn't mind checking Cereality at least once.

Click here to go to their website.

No word yet if they do Happy Meals. But if they do, I am sure the free toy will be the Pet Rock, the original product based on the business philosophy that there is a sucker born every minute.

Those Crazy South Minneapolis Liberals...

...have the money to go with their social conscience. Now they have a 527 and an anti-Bush ad to boot.

Click here to go to Georgethemenace.org to see their ad and their website, or click here to read the whole story (I have included the first few paragraphs of the story below). Their ad is worth looking at. It's clever, but I can't say that furthers, much less opens, the dialogue that has been closed between the red and blue camps over the past 36 months.

From Minnesota Public Radio.org:

Minneapolis, Minn. — Had a handful of south Minneapolis neighbors simply gotten the Kerry-Edwards campaign yard signs they'd asked for this summer, they say they would not have ending up producing their own TV commercial.

Kelley Garry-Marschall came up with the idea while taking a walk around the neighborhood about a month ago.

"I think we were all just really frustrated by the way the whole campaign was shaking out. We wanted to do something because we felt like some issues weren't being addressed," she said.

What Garry-Marschall and a dozen friends came up with is a scathing 30-second attack on the Bush administration's war on terrorism.

The spot features archival videotape of Osama bin Laden, flanked by a few supporters, making an announcement in a desolate countryside somewhere, presumably in Afghanistan.

The fictitious translation has a street slang-speaking bin Laden crediting President Bush for bolstering his terror network.

"Those prison photos sent recruitment through the roof. Give it up for George W. Bush, the best friend international jihad ever had," the "translator" in the ad says.

Psssst.. Bush Was Wired... Pass It On

I have no idea if this is true or not (let's just say I wouldn't be shocked), but it is a compelling story.

From Salon.com. Click here for the whole story.

Bush's mystery bulge
The rumor is flying around the globe. Was the president wired during the first debate?

By Dave Lindorff

Oct. 8, 2004  |  Was President Bush literally channeling Karl Rove in his first debate with John Kerry? That's the latest rumor flooding the Internet, unleashed last week in the wake of an image caught by a television camera during the Miami debate. The image shows a large solid object between Bush's shoulder blades as he leans over the lectern and faces moderator Jim Lehrer.

The president is not known to wear a back brace, and it's safe to say he wasn't packing. So was the bulge under his well-tailored jacket a hidden receiver, picking up transmissions from someone offstage feeding the president answers through a hidden earpiece? Did the device explain why the normally ramrod-straight president seemed hunched over during much of the debate?

Bloggers are burning up their keyboards with speculation. Check out the president's peculiar behavior during the debate, they say. On several occasions, the president simply stopped speaking for an uncomfortably long time and stared ahead with an odd expression on his face. Was he listening to someone helping him with his response to a question? Even weirder was the president's strange outburst. In a peeved rejoinder to Kerry, he said, "As the politics change, his positions change. And that's not how a commander in chief acts. I, I, uh -- Let me finish -- The intelligence I looked at was the same intelligence my opponent looked at." It must be said that Bush pointed toward Lehrer as he declared "Let me finish." The green warning light was lit, signaling he had 30 seconds to, well, finish...

The whole story is worth reading. The part about Bush having his own frequency experts is a little creepy.

Baseblogs

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune ran a good story a few days ago about the best Twins blogs on the web. Suffice to say, mine is not featured. But it's a story worth reading.

Click here to read the story.

In the meantime, Emily and I got very lucky and landed some tickets for tomorrow night's game.

WIN TWINS!!!

An A.M. Dial Full of Brain Surgeons

There are a lot of things I would be terrible at. A brain surgeon. A rocket scientist. A manager of a major league baseball team. And this is what drives me crazy about rabid sports fans. They act like they could run a pro sports team better than the guys who get six figures to just that. For the past 24 hours KFAN and WCCO has been plauged by callers criticizing Gardenhire for leaving Joe Nathan in for a third inning last night.

Gardenhire says now he may have left Nathan in too long, but this is all in hindsight. And it's not even talk show listeners that are guilty of thinking they know more about a team and its players than the manager does. Even King Kaufman, whose job is to write about every single mainstream sport, thinks he could have done a better job last night than Gardenhire, whose job is to oversee the Twins every single day. But somehow Kaufman thinks he can manage Joe Nathan better than Gardie can, even though Kaufman is lucky if he has even met Nathan, let alone coached him on a daily basis. Click here for his story, which includes a decent synapse of last night's nail-biter for those of you who don't know that the Yankees beat the Twins in 12 innings.

Gardenhire had a tough call to make and it's easy to say he ended up making the wrong choice. But we have no idea how things could have turned out if he went another direction. Jesse Crain is a rookie and JC Romero is a head case. He could use one of those guys or bring Mullholland or Loshe out of the bullpen, a role they are not familiar with. These are all unappealing options. A 12 inning game is a war of attrition, and the Yankees just happen to have more fire power. It may not have mattered who Gardenhire threw out there to face the meat of the Yankees' line-up.

WIN TWINS!!!!

@&^@#@!?$*! The Yankees!!!!

oh yeah, and go edwards

Tonight I'm bringing our TV down from the bedroom and putting it next to the den TV. Sad but true. So now I can watch the debate (with the sound on) and watch Johan Santana kick the Yankees' ass (with the volume down).

To summarize,

WIN TWINS!!!

Drink Socially.
Drink Responsibly.

Now you can kill two birds with one stone and drink socially responsibly.

I owe this knowledge to a friend of ours (who may remain anonymous if s/he desires) who helped organize a fundraiser (Jazztoberfest) that we were invited to tonight.

We ate some food while a band played that was a cross between the soundtrack of The Triplets of Belleville and The Sweeny Sisters, from Saturday Night Live in the 1980s.

But what I came away with from the evening is the knowledge that Finnegan's Beer is the only beer in the country solely produced for charitable purposes. The beer company states that 100% of the profits go to charity.

Click here to learn more. The close reader will also see a link on this website to Jazztoberfest if you are dying to know more about how I spent my Sunday night.

The kicker is Finnegan's is brewed at the Summit Brewery in St. Paul, which (as of a year ago) is the only local brewery that uses wooden pallets in the stockroom that are certified by the Forest Stewardship Council (FSC). The FSC oversees responsible management of the world's forests. Click here to learn how Summit got the FSC's stamp of approval.

So even if you're drinking alone or drinking to excess, when you drink Finnegan's, you are always drinking socially responsibly.

Life From the Sidelines

The Twin Cities Marathon went right by our house (actually within half a mile), and Emily and I made great spectators. I am hoping to find a fun summer marathon to do and right now am leaning toward San Diego in June of 2005.

In the meantime, this was by far the most politcal marathon I have ever seen. If the election were held today and it was decided by how many marathoners wore Kerry or Bush stickers, Kerry would have won by 100%, which qualifies as a landslide.

There's a national group of runners who have mobilized against Bush. The group is Run Against Bush and they have clubs throughout the country. They also have a blog ( click here to see it).

Anyway, I don't know if this group handed out Kerry stickers to anyone who wanted them at the start, or if the Kerry campaign itself had the foresight to do it. Either way it was really cool to see all these pro-Kerry runners on the course with zero visibility for Bush.

So today was doubly inspiring. It gave me some momentum to keep training even as it gets cold and it encouraged me to think that Kerry may have a shot to win afterall.

I'm George W. Bush and I Approve of this Congressman

More on DeLay from Salon.com.

Click here to remember what a weasel this guy and is. And if you still aren't sure he needs more than the verbal admonishment congress just gave him, click here.

Trent Lott praises the Dixiecrats and is (rightfully) politically neutered. Yet DeLay commits ethics violations and probably breaks a few laws and still is choc-full-o-politcal-testosterone and Majority Leader of the House. Unbelievable.

Image Is Everything

No new insight here, regarding tonight's debate, but I'll give my two cents. I really tried to watch tonight's debate through the eyes of a swing voter, which is hard to do since I am not one. But, I tried to view Bush as an earnest, warm, straightshooter, just as Rove Inc. has sculpted him.

But I still think Kerry won this one going away. And this has nothing to do with soundbites, or if bilateral negotiations with North Korea is a bad idea, or if Poland was indeed part of the Coalition of the Willing or whatever the hell it is that's trudging throught the Quagmire of Iraq right now.

Kerry's victory (in my opinion) has everything to do with image. Kerry, to me, looked cool and collected. Bush was fidgety and defensive. Four years ago, I thought Gore verbally destroyed Bush, but I thought Bush still came out the winner. "Fuzzy math" was a veiled stroke of genius. Image is everything.

So overall, I think Kerry should gain some momentum tonight, but he needs to max out the next two debates to have a chance on November 2.

Normally I find Tim Russert annoying but he was on the money tonight. He said no one really gained or lost ground as much as both candidates simply solidified their base. Take, well, me, for example. For the first time I really feel like I can support the 2004 version of John Kerry. Who knows, maybe hope is actually on the way.

Speaking of propopanda, how tiring was it to here the same phrases over and over from both candidates? For every "hard work" phrase spewed by Bush there was an "I can do better" coming from Kerry. Cripes. They might as well have had a chanting contest tonight. Bush could have chanted "Four legs good. Two legs better!" while Kerry chanted "doubleplusgood!!" And whoever chanted the loudest would have been dubbed the winner.

Forty Hectares and a Mule (and $7,000,000)

An abandoned mining town in British Columbia is for sale, complete with two rec centers, a hospital, and houses. Now all it needs is some residents.

So what is 5% of 7,000,000? I am trying to figure out the APR to see if this is a viable option for Emily and me. The expected selling price is expected to be in the 7 million dollar range.

Let's see... we have about seven months worth of equity in our house, I am refinishing the deck, and Emily just put up new blinds. Any chance we can parlay all that into the town of Kitsault?

Click here for the story.

Story of My Weekend

This ( click here) was fun. But it yields little to no long-term benefit to my life.

This ( click here) was not fun, even though it will yield long-term benefits in my life.

By the way, I am about 75% of the way through brightening the deck. Then I have to waterproof it. Kickball lasts about two months.

It will be close, but which will end first: my deck project or the kickball season? And for all people married to me who read this, don't worry that was a joke. The deck project should win by five to six weeks.

Another Boring Baseball Post

Johan Santana is good. Really good. But it's easy to say that since he's red hot right now (he's won 12 straight and hasn't given up a run in 30 innings). Still, he has some of the nastiest stuff I have ever seen.

I'm not a big conspiracy guy. I think Oswald killed JFK all by his lonesome little self and (this is a big admission, since I love to argue otherwise), I don't believe the government staged the lunar landing back in the 60s.

But I do believe in the East Coast Media Bias/Conspiracy. NO QUESTIONS ASKED, if Santana was wearing a Red Sox uniform, he'd be sure thing for the Cy Young.

But because Curt Schilling happens to play for Boston the media types, even here in Minnesota are saying Schilling might win the Cy Young. Sure Schilling got to 20 wins first, but that's the only stat he owns over Santana (who picked up his 19th win today).

Click here for Santana's stats, and here for Schilling's.

Santana leads the American League in strikeouts and is neck and neck for the best ERA and win total. My favorite stat is that he only has 49 walks to go with his 250+ strikeouts. Unless they're named "Randy Johnson" guys who throw over 250 strikeouts in a season typically do not have this much control; they're walk totals are a lot higher.

I am sure that Santana will win the Cy Young. My only issue is that other names from East Coast markets have to named as possible contenders to win. Santana is by far and away the best pitcher in the American League this year. There should be no discussion at all about who should win.

Mouthful of Earthly Delights

Over the past month, Emily and I made two important discoveries for our bellies:

1. Fast Eddie's Pizza In terms of the cost-benefit ratio, this place has the best pizza EVER. The crust is thin, the sauce is good, and the toppings are servicable. There are better places in the Twin Cities for delivery pizza (Lake Harriett Pizza, Pizza Luce, and Beaks to name three), but all those places run over $18 for a large pizza. Last night we got a large one topper, two pops, and cheese bread all for $16.00. They even let you use multiple coupons on one order.

Last night I went to pick up the pizza since Fast Eddie and his band of pizza makers are less than a mile from our house. I got to meet Fast Eddie in person. He certainly is fast, if you mean abrupt. Stressed Out Eddie is more like it. He had like three posters of Kevin Garnett, which accounted for like 80% of his wall space. I was tempted to give him shit about that and tell him how Tim Duncan is the man, but figured I'd wait until I'm in there on a weeknight, when Fast Eddie isn't Abrubt Eddie.

2. Kemps Cow Tracks Ice Cream Sandwiches This is some tasty ice cream. Emily knows my propensity to eat steel drums full of Cow Tracks Ice Cream in one sitting, and she's all about portion control. So it's safe to say I get some judgemental looks when I eat a bowl of soup for dinner and two bowls of ice cream for dessert.



Image from www.kemps.com.


Well, now cow tracks comes in an ice cream sandwich. A win-win situation for me and Emily. She gets her portion control and I get my ice cream (as long as I don't eat 12 bars in one sitting as I am wont to do).

The bad part is if you click here, you will sees these bars are only being sold for a limitrd time. The blessing in disguise is I can tell Emily I need to eat a box a day to artificially drive demand up so these bars become a part of the Kemps Ice Cream Arsenal.

If You Win, They Will Come

Emily and I went to the Twins game tonight and I can't tell you how much I love the Metrodome. The fact is, I love watching quality baseball and feel so fortunate that the Metrodome drives all the casual fans away leaving great seats available to jackasses like me who get excited by watching Carlos Silva use his change-up to get the White Sox to hit into a bunch of ground balls.

And the simple fact of the matter is the Twins pack the Dome when they win. And there is plenty of atmosphere when the place is packed. If you buy the whole the Mom and apple pie BS about baseball and feel it HAS to be outside, go to a freaking St. Paul Saints game and soak up the atmosphere. You'll have plenty of time to do so, since the game is four action packed hours 80 mph fastballs, 12 errors, and a bunch of Punch and Judy singles.

Anyway, I cannot believe how incredibly well the Twins are playing. They are over 10 games up on the White Sox with their starting catcher out since the start of the season and half their starting infield on the bench nursing injuries. They've kicked the shit out of the White Sox both tonight and last night with something called Augie Ojeda starting at second base.

I truly believe the Twins have a shot to make it to the World Series. I had the same feeling about the San Antonio Spurs in 1999 and 2003 and look what happened (of course I also felt the same way about the Spurs in 1990, but that season didn't end as well).

This is one damn good team. Santana and Radke is one of the best back-to-back pitching duos not wearing an A's, Yankees, or Braves uniform that I've ever seen. Justin Morneau gives the team the power hitter they've always needed. Their fundamentals are solid. For the first time since I've lived here, they finally have consistent timely hitting (another reason it's easy to forget all about Doug Mientkiewicz).

But what makes this talented team a great team is the fact that they play harder (or as hard) as any team in pro baseball, from the stars like Radke and Hunter, to the scrubs like Augie Ojeda. It's pretty neat to watch, and I always feel like I got my money's worth. I can think of plenty of Spurs games I've been to where this wasn't the case. I love the Spurs, but I've seen them take nights off from time to time. I can't say the same thing about the 2004 Twins.

WIN TWINS!!!!